Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
