Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize