what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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