Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
