Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
