If that was your dad, he is hot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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