so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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