I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize