he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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