My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
