I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
