I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize