A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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