I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When are your genitals available?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
