im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
