I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
