my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
