I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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