I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize