Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
