hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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