do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
