I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
