And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize