She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
