Pappa wants mamma naked
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
