bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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