My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
