Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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