New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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