What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
