Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
