I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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