its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
