OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
