you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
