State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize