I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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