if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
