I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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