im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
