genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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