Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
