Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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