I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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