i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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