They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is wine microwaveable?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
