haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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