Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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