I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We have so much sex to catch up on
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
