I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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