Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
