You work out of a Hotel?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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