they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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