sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
