Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
