I just threw up on my dentist
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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