well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
