My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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