Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
