I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
