After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
