Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
