I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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