His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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