But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
