Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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