I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
