its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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