I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
