Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if only i could text you this smell
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
