I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
