have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
