No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
