are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
